I've been in this place of re-posting blogs for about a year now. Sad, but true. But since I haven't really been motivated to sit down and figure out how to put my life and world into words over the last year (there's been quite a lot), I figured I would communicate about what I do through the people I'm impacting.
So, yet again, here is a blog from on of the girls on the September 2011 squad that I am Field Support for.
She talks about one of the three main things we teach and impart to our participants while they are with us on the World Race. It is something that is at the core of not only our trips, but how we operate as an organization, and even in life in our community in general. This is what I spend my time doing.
It's a blog about Feedback, aka, Naked Time.
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In coming on the World Race- I expected to do a lot of things regularly with my team. But one thing that I didn't expect to do was get naked.
I have spent a lot of my life in extremely close community.
In high school, I was constantly flanked by 11 other dancers all dressed in the same blue, black and white uniforms. We sweated together, we danced together, and we basked in the sweetness of each other's dance shoes after 4 hour-long practices. (YIKES!)
When people complain about having three or four roommates- all I can do is laugh as I spent a year and a half living with 89 other women. I lived in my sorority house, which at times felt more like a melting pot of estrogen. We shared clothes, we ate together, we studied together and we played together... we even brushed our teeth together. When one got sick, all got sick. When one had a story to share- the whole house knew about it.
So being on the World Race is nothing new for me. Knowing intimate details about 20 other people's bathroom habits doesn't strike me as strange, (that may change as we hit countries that are harder on our digestive systems.) It's not weird for me to roll over and have a girl six inches from my face- oddly enough... I'm used to it.
There is something missing though from this experience.
I don't walk around every day with a sinking feeling in my stomach, wondering if when I leave the room, people are going to start talking about me.
I don't worry that every third day, alliances will change and I have to make sure I'm around when the latest drama happens to make sure I don't become the enemy.
On the World Race, we talk about each other a LOT... but we do it to each other's faces.
It's a little thing we like to call 'Naked Time.'
Ok... the World Race calls it 'Feedback,' but my team decided to rename it.
Feedback is a phenomenon that AIM (Adventures in Missions) holds at the very center of all of their interactions. It's something we're required to do every single day.
When they first explained this to us at training camp- I was almost gagging at it's campy-ness. But as I witnessed it in action, I stopped short. The speaker called out a World Race alumni, and in front of 200 people, he told him exactly what he thought of him, both positive things, and things that this guy could work on.
I was stunned. This no longer seemed lame- it all of a sudden became one of the most refining, and life changing things to ever happen to me.
Feedback always comes out of love, and usually anything constructive is sandwiched in between two positive things. So it doesn't ever feel negative. It always feels loving.
It's not calling someone out... it's calling someone 'up' into what you know they're definitely capable of... but may not be quite reaching.
It's telling them how great you see that they can be, and helping them figure out how to get there. You have to include specific observations and then a suggestion. And the response to the feedback from the other person always has to be 'Thank you.'
How often do you wonder what everyone else is thinking- but don't know how to find out so you can actually change things?
I have five people getting to observe me 24 hours a day, five people giving me encouragement for the things that are awesome that I don't even see in myself yet.
They get to affirm what God thinks about me and not only help me see it, but help me learn how to live and walk in that.
One night, my teammates told me that I bring peace to situations- that when I am someplace, grace and peace fills the room. I had NO IDEA anyone ever thought that about me.
One of my teammates noticed that I become incredibly insecure when the people around me become quiet and withdrawn. That whenever someone seems checked out, I automatically assume that I've done something wrong. I launch into overtime trying to figure out how to make it better, or atone for whatever grievance I may have caused- something that tends to MAKE people mad when it had nothing to do with me in the first place. I had never noticed that before. I sure notice it now! And BOY am I working on it!
Naked time (feedback) is humbling. It is incredibly intimate. There have been times when we've had to discuss our deepest hurts and most tender insecurities with tears streaming down our faces. And surprisingly to our wounded hearts- five other faces look back lovingly... not even flinching, not even retreating.
It literally sometimes feels like stripping down and getting absolutely naked in front of other people- terrifying, awkward, humbling, and embarrassing.
But scripture tells us that unity commands a blessing- and such intimacy is absolutely unifying.
Feedback is absolutely revolutionizing my life.
Words have power! Proverbs 18:21 says "the tongue has the
power of life and death." And we know that to be true. How many times has
someone said something negative to you that has stuck with you and made you
feel terrible for years?
I have memories of things people have said to me that have
haunted me since I was young. They've brought death to me... they've brought
wounds to my heart that I'm just now starting to dig up and heal.
But words can also work the other way. If someone tells you
that you are a leader enough, you start to feel like a leader. If someone tells
you that you are beautiful and worthy and cherished enough, you start to feel
that way. Words can bring life!
And that's the essence of feedback. It's seeing the
potential in someone else- noticing and caring enough to bring them up into it.
It's knowing who God has made the person to be- and saying
something when you see them acting in a way that doesn't line up with that.
It's allowing other people to love you and become intimate
enough with you to change you. God uses us in each other's lives... he uses us to
speak words to each other, and that's what happens when you receive feedback.
You allow someone (someone who is being led by God and led by love), to dust
off a buried or broken part of your heart and bring it shining into new light.
It is something that promotes love in relationships.
Communication is so stinking important... and miscommunication is like a death
sentence.
Living in a way where feedback is a natural part of your
relationships helps you lay everything on the table. It destroys gossip, deceit
and slander, and brings ugly lies out into the light- allowing issues to be
resolved.
There is a 24-hour rule on the World Race. If you have a
problem with someone, you have 24-hours to talk to them about it.
The only way you can get kicked off of the World Race, is if
you are slandering someone. We literally were told that if we want to get sent
home, the quickest way is to start speaking poorly about others behind their
back.
They know, and are helping us see that our words have power.
Our tongue has the power of life and death. We either bring life to others
through our words, or spread poison through our words. And they just wont
tolerate the latter.
Coming from environments where girls can eat each other
alive with lies, gossip and talking poorly about each other- I am absolutely in
love with this way of living.
I have people telling me wonderful things all the time- and
helping me see where I'm not living up to who God has made me to be- and then
helping me get there.
I don't walk out of a room, only to wonder if people are
going to be talking about me behind my back. I know exactly how my teammates
feel about me, and conflict is resolved quickly.
In learning about feedback, I feel like I've been given a
gift- a key. It's something that I know will benefit my relationships for the
rest of my life. So I wanted to bring it to you.
Intimacy is the most amazing feeling in the world. We were
made to be in relationship with each other. The first thing God did was create
men and women to be in relationship together. He created us to intertwine with
each other as he is intertwined in relationship as the trinity. Relationship is
ingrained in us. We need and crave intimacy. But it is such a delicate thing,
that without proper communication, it can get destroyed.
With love, and honesty, and truth, and life in our words-
intimacy is at it's best. Love is at it's best. Relationship is at it's best.
This is a girl, Leah Malone, that I had the absolute honor of meeting and praying with at Training Camp this week for the new January World Race Squads going out. She stole my heart from moment one. Read her account of Training Camp, and who we Crazy World Race People are! Again, this is why I do what I do, and am so thankful that you (my friends, family and supporters) help make stories like Leah's possible...
Training Camp takes place
in the woods of middle-of-nowhere Georgia
where you're kindly fed fish head soup, ugali,
and a grilled tomato banana and cheese sandwich.
Where you sleep in tents,
then on a school bus,
then under a tarp.
And you go to bed after midnight
only to wake up a few hours later,
before even a hint of the sun rise,
to freeze your buns off at morning exercise
running up and down the hills of Georgia. Yep, these people are crazy.
Some of these people are alumni.
People who flew, drove, and hitchhiked
to spend the week at training camp
sleep deprived.
Serving us by scrubbing toilets,
waking up at 4am to cook our food for the day,
and praying life/truth into us
over and over and over again.
Their clothes never match
…I'm pretty sure they've forgotten how.
They saw greatness in me and pushed me towards it.
They're ALWAYS either-
a. dancing
b. laughing or
c. praying. These people are crazy!
Speaking of prayer-
Its like the real deal for these people. Rarely …never... did I hear prayer start with
“Dear Heavenly Father”.
Usually it started more like
“Hey Daddy” or,
“Its me again Papa” or,
“Abba we love you” or simply,
“Hi!”
…It's almost like they KNOW this guy. These people are crazy.
They stand on chairs
Or in the middle of the woods on chairs
And yell things.
Declarations they like to call them. These people are crazy.
During worship there are people
laughing,
dancing,
praying,
sitting,
and standing.
Some people have their hands in the air,
and others have their faces on the ground. Yikes. These people are crazy.
These people dream about
shutting down every brothel,
ending the AIDS epidemic in Swaziland,
getting clean water for African villages,
seeing Haiti restored,
and finding a loving home for every orphan. They dream about these things
because they're actually living to make them happen.
I'm telling you- these people are crazy.
Everyday normal conversation
consists of things like-
fire tunnels,
feedback,
declarations,
poop problems,
and ridiculously awesome
workings of the Holy Spirit. These people are crazy.
And apparently,
after traveling the world for 11+ months
it becomes difficult, if not impossible,
to speak in full sentences.
Because of this,
everything is shortened by an acronym.
ATL,
OES,
TIA…
I guess I should start practicing! These people are crazy.
These people actually believe everyword of the Bible to be true.
They believe healings are possible. Now. Today.
They believe that God breathes and life happens.
They believe we are no longer slaves to sin.
They believe that the power of Christ is IN us.
They believe and pray the same prayer Jesus did-
“on earth as it is in Heaven”.
And you know what…
I've started praying that too.
Because I actually really, really like that idea.
On earth as it is in Heaven?
Absolutely. Bring it on.
There's no doubt in my mind
that those strange Kingdom minded people
who I met this week in the woods of Georgia
are absolutely CRAZY.
But what I decided this week is, I'm ready to be crazy too!
The Kingdom of God is worth my abandonment.
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If you'd like to support my husband and me as we continue to serve with Adventures In Missions, please click here and donate. We are so thankful for whatever you can give!
About two and a half years ago, one of my dear friends was working on a video to promote the World Race. She took footage of a few of us and our stories from the field.
One of the girls in the Media Department came across this clip today as she was filing all of our footage. She brought it on a hard drive to my desk, didn't tell me what it was, and just said, "you need to watch this today."
I loaded the video, didn't watch it right away (because I hate watching myself, as most of us do) but eventually brought myself to push play. It took me back. Took me back to a place of aching, of compassion, of feeling. It took my heart back to the men and women I met so long ago. And once again, it reminded me.
This is why. This is why we do this. Why we fight for people to stay on the World Race when they are tired and griping and complaining. This is why we sit in debriefs with teams for hours and hours. This is why I feel like Skype is my best friend, and I talk for hours to leaders on the field.
Because through those things God keeps moving. Racers keep going to these places. God keeps showing up to the lepers. He keeps breaking Racers and bringing them to places of dependency on Him.
So here is a memory of how God encountered me and I encountered Him.
The blog below was written by Carly Cronin who left on the Race in September of last year.
I sat at my desk this morning almost in tears as I read through her account of their time with these kids. I found myself actually missing holding the dirty kids covered in lice and poop. What?! Why?! It's crazy how God makes you actually long for the hard things, the messy things, the things that are so difficult to push through at the time.
So I am sitting in a place of remembering right now... remembering the closeness of God in those places, remembering the feeling of being able to love the unloved, remembering how alive it makes me feel when I am pouring out what God's given me. And as I'm remembering these places, these kinds of kids all over the world, I am so thankful for Racers like Carly that continue to go and share what she's seeing.
And this is why. Once again, this is why I am here. At my desk in Georgia. This is why I write emails, call Squad Leaders, sit in meetings with Logistics, and do what I do. And once again I remember that I am the luckiest girl in the world. And that God loves me so abundantly that He continues to pour Himself out over me every single day... today, He decided to pour out through Carly, Mo, and what He is doing in India.
Read her story...
This month God has been teaching me some pretty sweet things amidst the
poop and the lice. I'm learning how to actually thank Him for the
opportunities I have to serve in this way. Yesterday I was reading a
devo from "Jesus Calling" and it said:
"You
are learning to appreciate tough times, because they amplify your
awareness of My Presence. Tasks that you used to DREAD are becoming
rich opportunities to enjoy My closeness. When you feel tired, you
remember that I AM your strength; you take PLEASURE in leaning on
me....As you bask in the BLESSING of my nearness, My life can flow
through you to others. THIS IS ABUNDANT LIFE"
To
be honest I was very nervous about this month's ministry as soon as we
found out what it would be. In the past I have substituted in special
needs classrooms and it was incredibly exhausting. Many amazing people
have a true passion for this specific ministry but I'll be real...I was
TERRIFIED. The first time we visited the home I was completely
overwhelmed by all 80+ children who instantly surrounded us. My heart
was broken by the stories I heard describing how many of them had been
abandoned and left for dead but were found by ICM and brought to this
home. I returned home broken, exhausted, and not knowing the purpose of
me being in this ministry.
Something
our teams decided to do this month is start every morning with 1 hour
of corporate worship and prayer. Wow its been so incredibly refreshing,
and so helpful in getting my attitude and priorities in the right place
before going out to ministry! The first morning we met God gave me the
devotion quoted above which really spoke to my heart about changing my
attitude from "Ok I HAVE to scrub squatty potties today, so lets get
this over with Lord" to "Thank you Lord that I GET to scrub toilets for
you today, this is a responsibility that you have given me and it's
important in your kingdom." It's not always easy to keep this attitude
but morning worship and accountability is definitely helping in HUGE
ways.
After that first day at the home I spent some time in
prayer specifically asking the Lord to change my heart about our
ministry....Guess what....the very next day He did just that. He laid
it on my heart and my teammate Leslie's heart to ask who the children
were who received the least amount of attention throughout the day.
There are several kids who due to their needs that are immobile and lay
back in the corner quietly by themselves. Leslie and I were instantly
drawn to these precious boys and spent most of the morning loving on
them by making them smile with goofy songs and lots of tickles.
(Me and Mo)
One
boy in particular completely captured my heart, (the orphanage asked
that we protect the children's identities online so we will call him
Mo). Mo is blind and most of the day he just lays quietly in the corner
on a bed all by himself. In order to reach Mo I had to take off my
shoes, hike up my skirt, and climb on the bed over other children back
to "his corner".
The
first time I sat with him I tried to hold his hand while singing to him
but every time he would pull away but still lay listening quietly.
After being there for some time I decided to read a book and continue
sitting with him so I laid my hand on his leg to let him know I was
still there. About 5 minutes into my book I feel Mo place his hand
directly on top of mine and hold my hand tightly. As I'm writing this
I'm practically in tears because it was at this moment that God
revealed why He had me here in this country, in this ministry, at this
time, it was to love on Mo and on the other little boys in this room.
It was to be His Hands and to literally hold His children. In just one
small moment, one small gesture completely changed my heart, I felt
more love for this child than I had ever felt toward anyone I'd known
less than 3 days before! I feel overwhelmingly blessed to physically be
able to show love to these kids who so desperately need it.
Yesterday
Leslie and I asked which kids hardly ever leave their room and be
outside. We were pointed to four young boys (Mo was one of the 4). We
found 2 wheelchairs in a back room and took turns rolling our new
friends around the local village. I
wish I could've captured on video the absolute joy that these adorable
boys expressed when they felt the breeze in their hair and sun on their
faces because it was so full of joy and thankfulness. You could
physically see the delight etched on their faces as we spent time with
them and it made everything worth it....all the poop...all the
lice...it was all worth it for that one moment.
I
think I always knew He would give me strength when I was weak and joy
when I was tired, but this year The Race has actually tested those
beliefs out...time and time again I've seen Him answer when I call,
revive and refuel me when I'm empty, and give me more Joy and Love to
out pour than I could ever imagine.
This blog was written by Stacey Hume, she is currently on the field in the Philippines. It is a bit lengthy, but extremely worth it!
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This may be a bit disjointed, so as a warning I am telling you to be gracious with this post. I
fell off a laundry line today. from five feet in the air, I tripped
and came down to earth with a fairly impressive thud. I managed to
pretty severely mangle myself, but that isn't where the story begins.
It's only the place that it gets good.
The story begins with
last night. I was in my bed by 10, like a good missionary. But like a
bad missionary I was thinking very intently on something, well someone,
that I should not have been. An old love came to mind, and I started
to wonder about possibilities. I should know by now just how pointless
this is, considering my previous track record of sleepless nights, but
I couldn't help it. The train of thought ran away with itself. There
were just no breaks. Before I knew it I was re-planning a
relationship that had already been broken... twice. Laying in the
dark, I watched the clock go from 10, to 11, to 12, to 1, to 2, to 3
am. Yep. 5 hours of staring into nothing, thinking about something
ridiculous. But, I am a girl. So once in a blue moon I am allowed.
At
three am, even after the best attempts at trying to fall asleep
(including but not limited to: Nyquil and a boring podcast, my
sleeping play list and reading poetry, journaling and the bible,
praying and plain old fashioned wishing on a star), it was futile. I
was awake. So in an effort to un-stick myself, instead of thinking, I
started listening. And surprise, when my mind shut off its monologue,
I found whispering away into the night, the voice of the Lord. Being
the gentleman that he is, He approached me sweetly. What are you
doing? He asked. Wasting time on you know who. I replied. Help me
sleep? I asked him back.
"Talk to me a while, instead. I
have things I want to share with you." And so the Lord began to speak
to me in intimate tones. Of the love he had for me, and the year of
promise that was quickly arriving. I turn 25 in a few days, if you
didn't know. And he asked me to make him 25 promises. He said that he
would, in return give me 25 promises of his own. So I entered into a pact. For the sake of brevity I will stick with the first three promises: 1. I will love the Lord more than any man. 2. I will listen to His voice over my own. 3. I will rebuild my temple.
So
in the quiet of the morning, just as the sun was rising I pledged my
heart secretly to the Lord. It felt forbidden and sexy almost, in a
room with 8 other sleeping women, who did not know of the strange
suitor in my bed with me. Lit up by the red glow of a headlamp, I fell
in love again. This time with someone worth while.
The next
morning I pledged I would get up to accomplish 2 of those promises, or
start them anyways. Number 1 and Number 3. So I set my alarm for
6:30, in a mere 2 hours, to run. I would leave this old love on the
field for good. I promised the Lord I would not stop running until that
haunting memory was gone.
And so when the sun rose, I rose.
And I ran. And ran. And ran. In my bleary state I moved farther and
farther away from my past. With each step, I became more secure in my
new love of Jesus, and self worth. By 7:30 that man was gone. I left
him on the track. So excited and happy for the way that the Lord was
loving me, I charged into the day full steam. I went and shoveled
rocks. And when I saw a friend of mine, sitting on a bench crying,
well I knew that she needed the joy and excitement I was feeling as
well. So before I knew what I was doing, I was standing on top of a
laundry line dancing and singing. "I'm trading my sorrows, I'm trading
my shame, I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord." I also did a
pretty great version of "Shake your groove thing, shake your groove
thing yeah yeah... Let's show the Lord we can dance." Swinging and
dancing with the ease of a gymnast, on a high wire. I broke it down.
Literally. When it came time for the dismount, I reached onto the mast
of the line, and stepped backwards onto the support beam. Well, just
so you know. Always check for dry rot, because the mast gave way, and
so did my body. I fell backwards, somehow by the grace of JESUS to
miss the hard wire laundry lines running 10 inches apart, and rubbing
up on the support beam I caught three nails with my back and came down
with a massive thud. I settled into the earth like a woman well
weighted. Two of my friends watching this came running over screaming.
What did you break?! What did you break?! When I got enough air to
breathe, all I could manage to say into the grass was, "Rejoice in the
Lord Always, again I say rejoice."
They looked at me like
I was nuts. Like somehow in falling 5 feet onto my side, I had rattled
loose my brain. They steadily rolled me to my stomach to assess the
damages. All I heard was "SSSSSSS" the sucking of air through closed
teeth. So I said, "That can't be good. Well it doesn't hurt, so
don't tell me what it looks like, or it will make it worse. Is it
bleeding?" Christy replied, "Yeah... A lot... Let's get you up
stairs to somewhere we can clean this." Alright. I have the strength
of a thousand camels. And the grace of none. They both started
hysterically laughing. I didn't mean that for anyone else but me to
hear, but apparently I said out loud what I was saying in my head. And
as I picked myself off the ground with their help, the only thing I
remember seeing was the portion of the laundry line I just fell off.
It stood in the perfect shape of a cross.
Beautiful I thought.
And was carried inside. The whole time I was wondering, why am I not
more worried about this? Why did I say rejoice, I should be screaming
in pain. But no. I'm happy I did this. I made my friend laugh and
stop crying. Mission accomplished. They stretched me out on our dorm
floor to clean my bloody back and side. Jess, my team leader was in
the room and she was horrified. The only thing she could say was "why
the hell were you on a laundry line?"
They cleaned and bandaged
my wounds, and set me upright on the ground. How do you feel, said the
two dozen eyes staring at me. Fine. Surprisingly fine.
I
then launched into an explanation of what happened and why I did it.
There was just no reason for my friend to sit in that sadness. So, I
don't know. I tried to bring her joy. No one really understood me
or why I had done what I had done. And to be honest, I don't really
either. I was on the ground, and then I was a bird on a
wire...dancing That's about all I can say. Sorry Mom and Dad, I'm
still apparently not that smart.
So when it came later in the
hour to go to the bathroom, I wanted to see what it looked like.
Locked inside our community showers, alone, I pulled off the bandages
to see, three huge gouges. They didn't hurt, but they were quite
bloody and I knew they would scar.
(HERE COMES THE DISJOINTED PART)
I
was instantly reminded of a vision I had in month one of the race, in
the Domican Republic. One afternoon I was standing in my shower, and I
watched as the water ran red. And looking down, I saw my skin falling
off in shreds and collecting by my feet. Collapsing to the floor in
pain, I looked at bare muscle and sinew. I was fully exposed and every
part of me was on fire. I started screaming. Someone even knocked on
the bathroom door to see if I was alright. And then Jesus walked in
through the closed door. With eyes of compassion he said, you are
going to suffer. This is not going to be easy. But, beloved it will
be worthy of your pain. I promise.
I stared at him in blank
wonder. And watched as he took new skin from his hands and reknit me.
Covering me in a new outer shell. When he was finished, I ran to the
mirror to see not myself, but Him staring back at me in my reflection.
The radiance of his face was mesmerizing. A choir of angels started
singing, and then suddenly I was alone again. With my bar of soap,
staring, dripping wet into a mirror at my own face. That's it. This
race is going to make me an insane person. I'm losing it week one.
This is not good.
(BACK TO TODAY)
So standing in
the bathroom, I looked at my back. Red and bloody and bruising. It
took my breath for a little while. But again, Jesus somehow managed
to get into a locked room to stand beside me. Lifting his own shirt,
he exposed his back next to mine in the mirror. His scars were just
like mine. "I told you I would make you look like me."
I
started to cry. Not for my scars, but for His. Upon seeing my tears,
he held my face in the palms of His hands and said, "You climbed on a
cross. You did it to bring someone freedom and life. You hung on the
nails. You did it for love. You look just like me. I am so proud of
you. You are more beautiful than any other woman in the world. I
promise you Stacey, it is finished. "
And
staring at Him, staring at me I realized it was finished. My constant
battle of despair and doubt was over. And He spoke again, "Some scars
come from a lack of gracefulness. Some scars are stupidity meeting
flesh. But once in a rare while, a scar is a mark of a war raged. A
battle fought and won, a step forward forever. This ground will not be
taken again." And at the end of it, I realize that it really had
nothing to do with the fall, nothing to do with the nails, or the earth
and rock hitting my face. I learn lessons the hard way, so it would
take a marker for me to realize what an amazing thing God had done in
my life. I was finally happy. I was finally free.
The
impossible task of my life, to take a broken and frustrated woman who
was utterly lost, and transform her into something that she believes,
TRULY believes, is worthy and joyful has happened. I'm not sure how
God did it, but He did it. What I never thought I could find, found
me. On a laundry line. In the Philippines.
P.S. For all you doctor types and Mama, I
have had my tetanus shot, and I have plenty of Neosporin, plus many
patient nurses and an occupational therapist! Here's to turning 25: I
am wishing for a more graceful nature, but if I don't have it by now,
I'm not holding my breath.
This blog is from one of my L Squad Racers, Jessica Johnson, written during the last week she was on the field. Her life this year has been radically and beautifully changed. She physically looks different than she did 11 months ago. She is a walking, talking, breathing testimony of God's power and goodness to bring hope to the hopeless, healing to the broken, love and worth to the ones who think they don't deserve it. I adore her, am so proud of her, and can't wait to see what God does next through her.
--
Life at home so far? Crazy. Good.
Overwhelming at times. Restful at others. The number one question I
get asked is, "How was your trip?" One of the challenges I've faced,
that all returning Racer's face, is trying to sum up a year's worth of
experiences and changes in 5 minutes or less. It's impossible. But
while sitting on the lawn in a campground in Ireland, at the request of
our coach, Papa Mike, I thought about what this year has meant to me,
how I've changed and how I will live my life as a result of what I've
learned and experienced. What I came up can be read in 5 minutes or
less and if I could just read this to everyone I talk to I would but
that would be awkward....so I figured a blog would be more appropriate.
=D Here's a peak into my journal, into my heart:
"We arrived in Dublin last
night! Wowzers! I'm actually in Ireland!
(Yes, I actually write expressions like that in my journal - nerdy, I
know.) I/we got here just by the skin of
our teeth. They made the flight over 20
minutes late just to wait for us all (at least I think that's how it happened)
and then only half of us got our bags. I
was one who didn't get their stuff so I ended up sharing someone else's a tent
with Mimi and even though I was up all night with frozen feet I couldn't have
been happier. And that's the point,
right? I am learning to be content in whatever circumstances, knowing that my
absolute worst day or moment of greatest discomfort is still better than much
of the world's very best day or better than anything they'll ever experience
in
their whole lives. And what a glorious
moment when looking around me I see over 40 people who would give up
all that
they had and sacrifice their own comfort for mine and knowing that I
would do
the same for them. I am worth it. They
are worth it. Because He is worth
it. Because He died. Because the Father said that we are worth
it. How great the Father's love for
us. How vast beyond all measure. I believe it again. I truly believe it
and I am better equipped
to fight now - to stand up against the lies and continue in FREEDOM! I
cannot and will not go back to the old life
I once had. As I always told my Cadets -
the best way to repay people for their investment in you is to go and
live the
life they've told you you're capable of having - to be the person they
believe
you can be - to be all of that and more. That is what I want to do,
what I will do. I will remain one of the 99 so that Jesus can
go after another one. I will be one of
the ones
rejoicing when another one comes home. I'll bake the cake and help make
the banners and offer up my praises to
God as I watch the flock grow. I'll be
one of His dancing fools and I'll do my best to encourage and teach the
ones
returning whether for the first time or hundredth, as well as the other
98. I will pray. I will speak the truth and I will continue to
listen to the voice of my Shepherd, my Daddy, my One True Love. My
toast in our Final Debrief session was
this: To the discovery, experience of and belief in True Love; to a
life worth
having, living and giving; to people worth loving, serving, giving to
and dying
for. I meant every word of that
toast. This year has transformed
me. I told Mimi that for the first time
in my life I am completely fearless. I
can face the Sun/Son and know that no matter what it will be okay. I am
loved, accepted, approved of, valuable,
and free of shame. I am a child of God,
of the Creator - if God is for me, and He is, then who can stand
against
me? God of the angel of army He fights
for me. I have NOTHING to fear but God
himself. So, I am ending the Race, this season, full of hope, peace,
and joy
and the greatest of all, LOVE! Every
tear and bead of sweat has been worth it. Every death I would die
again. Every ounce of pain felt during the tearing and mending process
I'd
endure all over to be who I am now, to know Who I know now."
That's how my trip was.
*This picture was not edited in any way. Sweet, huh?
Sara Choe wrote this for our general World Race Updates page... and it is an excellent briefing of the last two weeks in Ireland, so I thought I would share...
This time of year, Ireland is about five hours ahead and twenty degrees
(Fahrenheit) cooler than the Mid-Atlantic region of the U.S. Just
outside of Dublin, in the town of Clondalkin, over three hundred
members of the World Race family met for four days (August 30 -
September 2, 2010) at the Green Isle Hotel and Camac Valley Campground
to worship, rest, pray, learn and have fun.
This was the World Race's second annual Awakening, and this gathering lived up to its name.
We believe that the Holy Spirit lives in each of us who believe and
follow Christ. When such people are gathered, the presence of God is
amplified, which is what happened. His presence electrified the
environs, permeating through everything that went on.
Jonathan David Helser and his band led worship biblically - in Spirit and in truth - and in the manner of David, who danced with all his might before the
Lord. Just as a piece of music is dynamic - ranging from pianissimo
(very soft) to fortissimo (very loud) and everything in between - so
were the times of worship.
There was a good amount of standing on chairs, declaring loudly the
promises of God, and jumping and shouting, approaching the throne of
grace with boldness and confidence. There were also moments of quiet,
waiting and listening for the Lord, kneeling face down to the ground in
humility. In the midst of praise there was also petition and
intercessory prayer broke out - even over the internet (thank God for
technology!).
Life at its best = you at your best + Jesus as His best + the church at her best
The
ways the earth groans for the sons and daughters of God to realize
their identity, mature and fill the earth with the knowledge of the
glory of God
What it means to be adopted into the family
of God and receive our inheritance, getting on with the "family
business" a.k.a. the kingdom (some of Andrew's messages are also available here)
The
old and new covenants, that the church today has been living a newer
version of the old covenant.
Seth showed some ways to turn kingdom dreams into reality.
Jimmy shared with some Racers what life after the World Race might look like and tips on how to navigate through that transition
The
Helsers shared some of their heart and story with worship leaders and
had them find their sound and open up the wells of their soul.
Allison and Caroline demystified prophesy and facilitated some practice of the prophetic.
And just as life on the World Race isn't always super-spiritual, there
was also a good amount of fun and play. Racers played kickball and
Capture the Flag which were fun, but not many participated. Instead,
most of them focused on rehearsing for the Dance-Off, the much
anticipated inter-squad dance competition of the Awakening.
Complete with some Irish river dance, an homage to traditional Ugandan
dance, a parody of a robbery set to MC Hammer, hip-hop, the compulsory
Christmas song, and the Maori Haka, the N Squad (January 2010) easily took first place. The L-Squad (October 2009) and P-Squad
(July 2010) took second and third place, respectively. Even the
alumni, who represented all past World Races, got to flash their
dancing prowess.
Wednesday night after the evening session, World Racers danced, painted, poeticized, and sang, offering their art as
worship. For a couple nights and days, photography was exhibited
(artfully orchestrated by Ashley Huizenga - from Africa!), a powerful and poignant display of the places and people God puts on the hearts of World Racers.
The Awakening was an intergenerational convergence of like-hearted men and women.
As they worshiped God with their heart, soul, mind and strength
and ministered to one another, the Kingdom within everyone was
expanded. Old and new alumni return home awake, staff and coaches are
reminded why they accepted their positions, and current World Racers
are rejuvenated, excited to continue extended the borders of His
kingdom within themselves and the world.
It's been awhile. Understatement. The last three months have been crazy. Beautiful, glorious, but crazy, nonetheless. I will try to catch you up...
May:
I went to a conference in Toronto where I was able to hear Heidi Baker and Mike Bickle, worship with crazier people than me, and just be poured into instead of doing the pouring. (The photo below is from one of the worship nights at the conference).
Then, I hightailed it down to Gainesville, GA, where I apartment shopped. Caroline and I found one we love, and put our deposit down even though the moving date was in July. (We're crazies, I know).
Later that week was Training Camp for the June and July WR Squads. It was phenomenal. We had about 150 new Racers there, and they went for it. Hardcore. We had some amazing worship nights full of freedom and breakthrough. It's such fun to watch as people walk into new places with the Lord. Myself included, it was a great week for me to walk into places of release. (Blog to come).
June:
My dear friend, Susan, from childhood on through, got married in Kentucky. It was such a privilege to be a part of her week that week. (The photo at the right is from her wedding).
Then, I went to NYC with the lovely Erin Winget to Launch the June Squad's leaders. We did some training for a few days before they left and just got to hang out and pour into them.
Later that month we actually decided to move up the moving date. So one day at lunch in Michigan, we were sitting at a table on the river and decided we should actually move the next day instead of the next week. As you can assume, the rest of the next week was mass chaos. I think we get bored if our lives aren't crazy.
After that, I got on a plane to Romania where I got to visit my October Squad that I led. That was a shining beacon of light in all the madness. It was such a huge honor to see the fruit of what Sean and I worked so hard at. The victory and change and freedom that our beloved squad is walking in now just took my breath away. There were lots of joyous tears, to say the least. (The photo is of me and some of my girls from the L Squad, oh how I love them!)
July:
I went to Myrtle Beach with my family for a weekend to be at my cousin's wedding. It was such fun, and a nice breath of fresh salt air! The wedding was an intimate family gathering, and was just relaxing and low-key. (The photo is of me and my brother and his fiance, and my cousin that got married).
Then I actually drove myself down to Georgia and made my apartment feel a little more like a home. I spent a week there and got to settle into the office with all the staff before going to Murray, Kentucky to help photograph a wedding with Susan (the friend who got married earlier in this blog).
Now, I sit at my desk once again, updating you in the calm before the storm. Life right now is cyclical, in a very chaotic, but fun way. Training Camp for the September and October Squads start this weekend... and we are anticipating more and more of the wind and fire of the Spirit to blow through!
And from here:
Prayers please! I covet all of them that you have to spare. I adore my life and the things I get to do. But I run out of steam. So, if you've got a few minutes this week, I'd love if you prayed for fresh wind, for energy, for joy, and for tons more of His love to fill me up so I can keep giving it away! Thank you again and again!
I was sitting in my kitchen this morning, hanging out with God, and I came across a blog. It hit me in a really raw way today. I found myself weeping over this little one.
It's been an interesting season for me regarding this topic. My roommate, Caroline, walked in and saw me in tears. And I didn't really realize until I was explaining to her why in the world I was crying, that this topic has been a heavy one on my heart recently. The topic is babies--not for me; but more of the lack of them, the want for them, the hurt of losing them, and the abundance who are alone. Stories of mothers that lose their babies, friends who can't get pregnant, who miscarry, who are adopting and facing battles in the process, and those kids that grow up seemingly alone and without a chance.
It seems so prevalent right now, the FIGHT for children, for birth, for pregnancy. Why? Is it always that way? I guess I am just seeing it and hearing it more and more because my friends are in this season right now.
My heart just seems to be lurching right now. I've been learning and walking into more and more of my intercessory gifting these past few months, and I am starting to see that my heart is aching and interceding for this in this season.
There's not really much of a point to this blog I guess. I just got hit this morning, and it was because of yet, one more story that my heart hurt for. And I don't understand why it happens--there are so many whys in my heart right now. But God is still good. As you can read here.
This story is from one of the January 2010 Squad Leaders, Krissy Whaley. She is one of the phenomenal leaders that I get to talk to on a regular basis in my position in Field Support.
I wake up sweating, frantic, and in tears......I try to forget
what I just saw, but I am too paralyzed to move. Was this vision real, or was I sleeping?I immediately start to pray...as fear is
something that I was not willing to submit to.I start to praise God for all He has done in my life and
declare that He is my King. I break down further as I continue to pray.
I cry out,
"God, where are you in
this darkness? This vision is of such death & evil, did you take any part
in this? What are you saying!?"
No response.
So I continue to praise the Lord through my confusion and
anxiety.
My Night Vision was
this:
I was meeting an old
friend at a cafe to catch up.I ordered a strawberry smoothie and when my order was ready, the girl
behind the counter handed me a child. I looked at my friend confused and asked
why I was given a baby? I then realized that this baby was not breathing and had no pulse- she was
dead. Her skin was cold and grey. I started to panic and cry-
frantically looking around for anyone to help me....
This vision resulted in immediate prayers of desperation. I continued to cry out in prayer and then He puts the following on my
heart;
"Get up Krissy and ask your teammates to pray- As many people as possible should pray right now!"
So I go
downstairs seeking prayer from anyone who is willing. As my team begins to
pray, our local contact Janet begins to speak...
She said that she sees this vision is linked to
my time in Thailand next month. She spoke of the children in the human
trafficking slave trade and that God is preparing me for an experience I will
encounter in Thailand. She assured me not to fear, as God has told her we will
do mighty things through our faith in God.
After my teammates finished their prayers, I felt a sense of
peace come over me. I didn't know how I could suddenly feel such a
sense of peace in this time, but God told me that everything was going
to be okay and assured me that He had a purpose for my vision that He
wasn't going to reveal just yet. I didn't know if this vision was for
a baby in Thailand or somewhere else, but I stayed faithful in my
continuous prayers and praise to the Lord for the next 5 days.
I write this blog today (5 days after my vision)-
It is now April 29th. What I experienced next is heartbreaking and
shocking... 20 minutes before I leave for Thailand today, I get a
message from a good friend back home. We converse for a while and then
she proceeds to share the heartbreaking news of a dear friend of
ours......
1:52pm - Tiffany Writes
Jessica lost one
just delivered them both Friday Night
girl still born
and a little boy who is alive
MY HEART BREAKS IN HALF, I fight back my tears. I slowly start to
figure out that Friday night in the United States is Saturday in
Malaysia..... God gave me this vision at exactly the same time my
friend was losing her daughter! The pain I felt for her was
unbearable. I felt a small portion of the pain she must have been
feeling that night(we were shedding tears together without knowing it)
and this vision was the very reason that a group of people (who are
complete strangers to Jessica) came together to pray and intercede on
her behalf. We prayed specifically against the spirit of fear, and
asked for peace. I asked God to bring love, understanding, comfort and
grace to the mother of this child. Little did I know that the mother
would be someone I knew.
Let this story be a testimony to Gods faithfulness. He knows the
needs of His people - He hears the cries of our hearts. "Jessica"-
would you rest in the peace that God spoke over you and your family to
all of us in Malaysia. The Lord doesn't forsake His children; and He
hasn't forgot about you. He continues to walk by your side. He spoke
hope and life over you.
I share this story with the utmost respect; and to
share with her how God was using people across the world to pray for
her & her family. Would you all please join me in praying for
Jessica, her family, & her baby who now is in the hands of the
Lord.
experience
in
their whole lives. And what a glorious
moment when looking around me I see over 40 people who would give up
all that
they had and sacrifice their own comfort for mine and knowing that I
would do
the same for them. I am worth it. They
are worth it. Because He is worth
it. Because He died. Because the Father said that we are worth
it. How great the Father's love for
us. How vast beyond all measure. I believe it again. I truly believe it
and I am better equipped
to fight now - to stand up against the lies and continue in FREEDOM! I
cannot and will not go back to the old life
I once had. As I always told my Cadets -
the best way to repay people for their investment in you is to go and
live the
life they've told you you're capable of having - to be the person they
believe
you can be - to be all of that and more. That is what I want to do,
what I will do. I will remain one of the 99 so that Jesus can
go after another one. I will be one of
the 
ones
rejoicing when another one comes home. I'll bake the cake and help make
the banners and offer up my praises to
God as I watch the flock grow. I'll be
one of His dancing fools and I'll do my best to encourage and teach the
ones
returning whether for the first time or hundredth, as well as the other
98. I will pray. I will speak the truth and I will continue to
listen to the voice of my Shepherd, my Daddy, my One True Love. My
toast in our Final Debrief session was
this: To the discovery, experience of and belief in True Love; to a
life worth
having, living and giving; to people worth loving, serving, giving to
and dying
for. I meant every word of that
toast. This year has transformed
me. I told Mimi that for the first time
in my life I am completely fearless. I
can face the Sun/Son and know that no matter what it will be okay. I am
loved, accepted, approved of, valuable,
and free of shame. I am a child of God,
of the Creator - if God is for me, and He is, then who can stand
against
me? God of the angel of army He fights
for me. I have NOTHING to fear but God
himself. So, I am ending the Race, this season, full of hope, peace,
and joy
and the greatest of all, LOVE! Every
tear and bead of sweat has been worth it. Every death I would die
again. Every ounce of pain felt during the tearing and mending process
I'd
endure all over to be who I am now, to know Who I know now."
That's how my trip was.
My dear friend, Susan, from childhood on through, got married in 
After that, I got on a plane to 
